If You Can Live With That
by SamandDianeOTP
Summary: Taking place after "Cheerio, Cheers". Diane returns home after a despairing evening with many questions to be answered. Was she going to Europe with Frasier, or was she going to "call" Sam? Who to choose? Who's the right choice? A second chapter is up: Diane feels the need to call even though she went with Frasier.
1. Cheerio, Sam

**Another fic for you wonderful people!  
Diane returning home after "Cheerio, Cheers". Thoughts and feelings.  
This may/may not be a one-shot. I'm thinking about making it several chaptered. The other chapters will in that case take place in Europe. Possibly in the following episodes. It will be something like what she felt during her time there and what made her act the way she did.  
Well, here's this.  
Please tell me what you think and if I should continue it.**

Ps: Hoping to get "A Married Couple" updated tomorrow. But no promisses. 

_If you can live with that…Call_

She was feeling horrible, wrong, excited and guilty all at the same time. Her stare was upon the phone ever since she returned home. How did it end up turning out like this? First they were saying goodbye on good terms, then like close friends and suddenly they were on the way back to his place, kissing and making up for 'lost time'. But then…then it went wrong. Like always, she felt the urge to say. She tried to convince herself it was for the better. That what they had been on the edge to do would have ruined- not only their lives- but Frasier's too. It was insane. But why had it felt so good? She knew exactly why. Because it was right. But like always, she had to deny it. There was no other way unless she wanted one more ride in the roller-coaster. There was a difference between the heart's right and the mind's. She just wondered which one of them was rightfully right. Which one could bring her happiness? She was about to leave, thinking it was the _right _thing to do, but then he did it. He actually offered her a seat in the roller-coaster. There was space. He admitted that he couldn't offer the same guarantee as Frasier, but that if she would be willing to a 'day at the time' relationship with him, she should…call.  
It was the wrongness that kept welling up inside her. She couldn't seem to figure if it was the fact that she had been about to cheat on Frasier, or that she didn't take the chance. Sure she would be in a vulnerable spot, but wasn't it worth it? No, no. She couldn't think like that. Look what it had brought her the last time she had convinced herself that a relationship with a player could work out. It was the same player. It was the same story. It was just another chapter.

She should be proud of herself because she didn't give into it. But she wasn't. It only brought forth the wonders about where her heart lied in all this mess. To whom it belonged. And also, where did his lie? How hard would he fight for her this time? Tonight hadn't been a fight. The actions that took place tonight happened due to hidden feelings. There it was. Feelings. She did feel something. She already knew she did. She had for a long time. But he felt something too. That she knew.  
But exactly _what _he felt. Did he just want to have one more night with her or the rest of their lives?

His 'confession' only made her even more confused. Perhaps it was a commitment he was searching for. A relationship. But he knew that he couldn't promise to honor and cherish her every single day. That there would be up and downs. Arguments. But maybe…just maybe, they could meet somewhere in between? This was what he had to offer.

Her heart was pounding. If it had hands, it wouldn't have hesitated to pick up the phone and make the call. How would he respond if she did? What would she even say to him?

"Hey, yeah, let's give it another try."

It wasn't right. She was supposed to be the one with words, but right now, she was speechless. Only thoughts crossed her mind and different scenarios. What would have happened if she hadn't stopped him for her purse? It gave her the chills just to think about it.

It wouldn't be long before Frasier would come by to pick her up and they would leave for Europe. Unless she changed her mind and called Sam. There was uncertainness and insecurity about the whole thing. Leaving Frasier on this sort of condition was nothing but cruel and none-acceptable. But leaving with him, knowing it didn't feel right and there was things unsaid, somehow felt just as horrible if not even worse. Hours ago she had reassured him that her uncertainness about traveling wasn't caused by feelings toward Sam. Now it turned out to be exactly what it was. Right now, nothing seemed like the right thing to do. Someone was going to get hurt.

So she kept staring. Couldn't seem to find a solution. Couldn't make the choice. And before she knew, Frasier was knocking at her door.

"Diane?"

Hesitant, she stayed quiet for a minute. This isn't right, her heart screamed. It just isn't.  
He knocked again. This time harder.

"Diane, are you in there? We gotta get going."

This time she rose from the chair and opened the door for Frasier.

"What took you so long, I was worried you- Diane? What's wrong?"

She looked at him in disbelief. Was it so obvious?

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong," she tried to convince him.

"You look all pale and in shock."

"Well, I was just caught in my own thoughts when you knocked," she put on a forced smile.

"Are you ready?" he smiled.

This was harder than she had imagined. She still hadn't come to a conclusion. But looking at him, all packed, excited about the trip, made something stir inside her. She couldn't let him down. After everything this man had done for her, he certainly must've have proved himself worthy of her heart.  
Too bad it belonged to someone else.

"I am," she said quietly.

She went into her bedroom to get her suitcases and returned to the living room with a smile.  
She was really going through with this. Did she really have another choice?

_Yes, you do._

"Let's go then," Frasier chuckled and helped her with the suitcases.

_What are you doing, Diane?_


	2. The call

**Alright, guys (and girls)!  
I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter, and as you can see, I've decided to continue it based on your reviews. This is of course what's happens next, which finds place just before, in and after the end of "Cheerio, Cheers" where Diane calls Sam. Here is more insight in how Diane is feeling about this whole situation. As always, I hope you like it. I apologize if I won't be able to update as "fast" the next time since my vacation is coming to an end ****  
Well, that's the way it is…I found this song of Katy Perry "Thinking of you" and just thought it fit perfectly with this whole thing! Even though she might deny it…we see that's kinda like she's feeling in "Cheerio, Cheers" and "Rescue Me". So I may use the lyrics in one of the later chapters. But for now, I actually used it to make a Sam & Diane music video on youtube.  
If you want, you can check it out. Here's the link: watch?v=LE2oxAnBlv8&feature= **

When she used to dream of visiting cities like London, she always imagined herself wearing a huge smile and start exploring the many facades of the city right away. This wasn't the case in reality. At least not this time. Of course she had her reasons. The smile she put on was mostly forced so she wouldn't raise suspension from Frasier. She did a terrible work in her own opinion, but it fooled him though, and that was what mattered.  
They entered the hotel nicely and calmly. This was the furthest from what she was feeling. Frankly, she was a bit dizzy and having the worst headache imaginable. The trip had been tiring and she was suffering from milder jet lack. While Frasier had been the only to get some sleep on the plane, she hadn't slept for a minute. She couldn't fall asleep and instead remained awake to sort things out in her head. She still wasn't done a yet, but it had helped. Among the many things, thoughts and feelings she had dealt with on the plane was the fact that she wouldn't see Boston or Sam for at least 6 months. It seemed like an eternity at first, but when you have had several hours to think about it, it wasn't that long again. Or at least, that's what she convinced herself.

Although rest was on the top of her list when they entered their room, she needed to call him first.  
That fit perfectly with Frasier taking a shower. He didn't suspect a thing and entered the bathroom, humming. The humming soon became singing. Usually she'd have found it amusing and enjoyable, but at the moment it was a bit annoying. Nevertheless, she was free to call Sam. She found the phone on the table.  
_Now's the time.  
_She didn't hesitate more. She dialed the number of Cheers, expecting him to be there. She had to speak with him. It probably wasn't the call he'd expect, but it was a call. He needed to know that she had gone with Frasier, but she also needed desperately to settle things between them. He needed to know that even though they weren't together, they could still be there for each other. 'Friends' was the word. She wanted to keep him as a dear friend. Honestly, she had no idea how he'd respond to that. One could only hope that he'd accept it.

Coach had been the one to pick up. Naïve as the man was, he thought she had asked for herself.  
Soon she heard the voice of the man she so desired to hear.

"Hey, I was hoping you'd call, I-I'm really glad you did."

She said it as fast as possible. She wasn't trying to be rude; she just didn't want to give him false hope.

"I'm in a hotelroom in London, Sam."

She barely got to wonder how his reaction to this was, because Frasier's singing was becoming very disturbing.

"Oh, hold on, one second."

With the telephone in one hand, she closed the door to the bathroom containing singing, showering Frasier with the other. The hotelroom became quieter, and she put the phone to her ear again.

"Frasier and I are stopping over on our way to Italy."

"So why are you calling, huh?"

A question to be expected.

"Well, I'm calling because I've had some time to think about last night."

_A lot of time. Didn't feel like that though._

"We both had a moment of weakness and I'm glad we didn't give into it, but I hope we're still friends?"

She smiled, hopeful, even though she knew, he couldn't see her. Maybe she hoped it would shine through her voice.

"I don't think we're friends, Diane," he said dryly, possibly hurt.

It wasn't the answer she had desired, and she further questioned him, wanting a more detailed and explaining answer.

"Well, we failed as lovers, if we're not friends, what have we been these past few months," she asked dryly and confused.

"Been kidding ourselves."

She felt like her heart burst for a second there. It sure hit her hard and made her look down. She knew he was right, but she couldn't- she hadn't-

"Goodbye, Diane."

"Wait, Sam!"

"Yeah?" he said in a near whisper.

Where was she going to start? What about admitting this was a mistake. That she shouldn't have gone with Frasier. She agreed with herself last night that it was the right choice, she made. She followed her mind, thinking that was for the best. But now her heart couldn't stay silent anymore, and it pushed her to stop him from hanging up. It didn't want to let go of its grip. It saw hope. Hope for a future with him. She couldn't let go off him. She wanted to give him some sort of hope too. But being reminded that that was one of the worst things she could possibly do at the time, in this situation, made her continue with…

"Nothing. Goodbye"

"No, no- uh, uhh—Before you hang up here, uh-"

There was a short pause.

"They got postcards in Europe?"

The question came sudden and out of nothing and therefore it was somehow amusing.

"I'm _almost_ sure of it."

"Well, maybe come to think of it, you can send me one. Write small. You know how I like to read between the lines."

This made her chuckle silently to herself. It surely made her smile in relief.

"I'll try," she smiled.

"That'd be nice."

"Thank you, Sam."

It wasn't over between them. He didn't shut the door completely. There was still a gap. This meaning she hadn't lost him entirely.

"Goodbye, Diane."

And with that, they hung up. A moment of silence was followed. She didn't know exactly how to feel. On one hand she was relieved, but on the other she was feeling some sort of regret. Some sort of emptiness, she'd have trouble explaining.  
Perhaps, she could've been enough for him and likewise. Just hearing his hopeful voice at first turn into a deep, sorrowful one, bored a whole in her heart, she'd found hard to deal with.  
One thing was for sure. Things were never going to be the same between them. This meant keeping up some sort of charade so that they would still be able to have contact that hopefully in time would turn into a real friendship. Hopefully both would come to the term of accept of how things needed to be. How things **was**.

The singing from the bathroom had stopped and she assumed Frasier was done showering. Sure enough, a few minutes later he walked out with a towel tied around his waist.

"Ah, what a refreshing way to approach a hotelroom," Frasier said.

Diane had only risen for a second to put the phone back on its place. She was currently sitting in a similar position to the one she had when she hung up. Her look of despair didn't seem to reach Frasier.

"I thought I heard voices in here… Were you speaking with someone?"

How could he possibly have heard her over his singing?

"No, I've just sat here on the bed, doing nothing" she lied "perhaps you confused it with your own singing voice," she continued.

"Were you bothered by it since you closed the door?"

"I'm just having a bit jet lack after the flight, that's all. I didn't get any sleep on the plane so I'm going to bed now if that's alright with you."

"Well, of course, dear. You're looking quite worn out. Go ahead and lie down. I'm a feeling a bit exhausted myself. I'll join you as soon as I've gotten into some clothes."

She put on a smile, and he turned to one of his suitcases.  
While he searched for some night wear- even though it wasn't night quite 'yet- she lied in her own thoughts, trying to figure when she'd be able to speak with Sam again. Who knows if Frasier would disapprove? Make him suspicious, maybe. She wouldn't cause any concern so unless Sam called, it'd probably be awhile. But at least he had given her an alternative. If she couldn't call, she could write. And that was the way it had to be for now.


End file.
